.....when u lose ur mom,u have lost everything.....
.....nothing u do or say will ever be the same ........
.....happiness might be urs but without its joy.......
.....smiles can be urs but without its glow...............
.....the whole world can be urs but without its life...
.....when u lose ur mother ,u have lost everything...
......and i have lost my mother and things will never be the same.....
my dear mother,i miss u..............
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Pay Day!
I just remembered the glory of 'pay days' of my childhood years!It was pay days that created moods of festivity among the elders and young ones...
Pay day mornings invariably downed with a promise of joy and relief for the tappers who had been sweating,toiling,tending very hard and relentless to produce gallons after gallons of the latex(rubber).
Every fortnight,(usually in the middle of the month)there would be an allowance called 'belanja' which would be paid out to the estate workers and another much more bigger amount would be paid on the pay day(gaji) at the end of the month.
on pay day,everyone would be smiling! Every face would be a mask of happiness,awaiting the call for the pay out in the evening.
Most of my mom's friends would be assembled on our bench,eating beetle leaves and spitting the red saliva glory into the drain that run along my home.On this bench many promises would be made,pay back debts,pay back emergency loans(my mom used to be the unofficial money lender of sorts,i think,who never asked back loans unless one wished to pay back! and these ladies sometimes paid back and most of the times,gave excuses and my mom would only shrug her shoulders and look up to heaven and smile!)
I made many 'lady enemies' bcoz i would sneak behind these liars and demand they pay back my mom's ringgit and cents!And for this act I unfailingly got a 'shoo off' from them with their fingers threatening warnings and at times when I called them ungrateful dogs,I also earned verbal insults which I would shrug off as dust and walk on,with my head held high.
At school,the mood was same as that of our elders.As the afternoon dragged on,the children became so fidgety and their impatient was so palpable that the HM always released us almost half an hour earlier most of the time!He would ring the bell unusually for a longer time and we would scream with joy and glee as we fetched our things to get out of our classrooms....all heading for home to get a bath at the public tap as not to line up in queue with the adults at home! As i walked home with a majestic gait,not rushing,cool walk,I wanted to show off to my 'subjects' that I had special privileges ,as my dad was the head 'Kangani'(supervisor),we enjoyed an extra tap right in front of our home which made it possible for me to bath for hours at will if I want.Maybe such privileges from the estate management were the causes which added to my 'sometimes snobbish,mean attitude ' towards others...!
I still remember one of those pay days very well,though...My sister had cooked egg curry and spinach with coconut on that day.And there was the usual lime pickles too,of which I never failed to help myself to a generous portion with my afternoon meals,which added a severe sourish taste to my taste buds,much to my mom's scorn though.
I was very well into my lunch when I noticed a shadow behind one of the wooden pillars on my 'five foot'(porch) .I was sitting on the wooden bench (my usual lunch hub)and the shadow turned into a figure.His back was now turned towards me so i quickly got of my bench and walked towards this 'spy' so stealthily that he did not notice me till I was right behind him,and let out a holler that he almost tripped and fell into the drain,almost,luckily god saved him,i guess!
The spy was non other than the Loose,i discovered,and kicked his thigh hardly since i still had my lunch plate in my hands.He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his thigh and asked me if I wanted to play 'thiefantpolice' after my lunch.As he stammered ,he tried to control his drooling,which started to flood his taste buds as the smell of spicy egg curry and pickles entered his nostrils.
I noticed his suffering and in a moment of kindness asked him casually if he would have some rice at my home since the curry was good and if he wanted I could go in get a plate?The Loose obviously didn't expect this show of kindness from me,the tyrant leader,but realized he couldn't let go of this rare moment and shook his head vigorously in consent.
He seated himself on the bench and was waiting for my goodwill plate of the day.When i handed him his plate full of rice and egg curry with the pickle,he devoured it,that's what it was,simple gobbling of good food which had to be eaten with compliment,but he devoured it!It was like,'now i see it,now i don't' kind of haste.
He seemed so ravenous he didn't even wash his hands!I just looked on for him to finish,thinking about one of my mother's wisdom statements, 'Once hunger strikes,all ten codes of conduct will fly out through the door...!'I was grateful to god at that instant that i had never been hungry and wished I would never be hungry in my life for anything.
Once he finished his meal,i told him to stop licking his fingers and wash his hands at the tap.He told me his granny didn't give him any lunch bcoz he failed to bring home firewood after school!I was so angry I dragged him to his house to confront his granny.She was in the kitchen and I called out to her so loudly her neighbour told me to shut up my 'volume'!
'Katthayee patti!' I wanted to ask her the Loose had the right to his lunch after school,isn't it?How can he go to the woods to look for firewood on a school day?And does his parents know that his grandma deprived him his lunch and now is eating all the rice herself?When I saw what she was eating,I got a shock! The rice in her plate was burnt,burnt and brown,and she told me to sit down first before i spat out any more accusations.
She told me that neither the Loose or his siblings wanted to eat this burnt rice,and she asked me whats wrong with burnt rice?Its just that it has been overcooked,and very brittle to touch but does this Loose and her siblings know whats her age is?She had forgotten about the rice in her haste to prepare the curry for the rice,and non of these children helped her with cooking.She told me that she was half blind as I knew,and these people had no kindness for her health.I was already feeling so sheepish for my hasty attitude and asked her if I could be of any help.
Old lady Kaathayee looked at me hard and intense for a moment and told me,'Muthu,never ,ever throw away rice,whether its burnt or leftover,for if anyone does that,they would have to walk a mile for single grain of rice later in their life!
I walked back home and asked my mother if it was true and my mother sat me down in her lap and told me what Kaathayee said was true. I made a promise to myself that I would respect the rice from now on,and no matter how much my mom dished out on my plate ,I would eat it all up,though I got a stomach ache after that.
Pay day mornings invariably downed with a promise of joy and relief for the tappers who had been sweating,toiling,tending very hard and relentless to produce gallons after gallons of the latex(rubber).
Every fortnight,(usually in the middle of the month)there would be an allowance called 'belanja' which would be paid out to the estate workers and another much more bigger amount would be paid on the pay day(gaji) at the end of the month.
on pay day,everyone would be smiling! Every face would be a mask of happiness,awaiting the call for the pay out in the evening.
Most of my mom's friends would be assembled on our bench,eating beetle leaves and spitting the red saliva glory into the drain that run along my home.On this bench many promises would be made,pay back debts,pay back emergency loans(my mom used to be the unofficial money lender of sorts,i think,who never asked back loans unless one wished to pay back! and these ladies sometimes paid back and most of the times,gave excuses and my mom would only shrug her shoulders and look up to heaven and smile!)
I made many 'lady enemies' bcoz i would sneak behind these liars and demand they pay back my mom's ringgit and cents!And for this act I unfailingly got a 'shoo off' from them with their fingers threatening warnings and at times when I called them ungrateful dogs,I also earned verbal insults which I would shrug off as dust and walk on,with my head held high.
At school,the mood was same as that of our elders.As the afternoon dragged on,the children became so fidgety and their impatient was so palpable that the HM always released us almost half an hour earlier most of the time!He would ring the bell unusually for a longer time and we would scream with joy and glee as we fetched our things to get out of our classrooms....all heading for home to get a bath at the public tap as not to line up in queue with the adults at home! As i walked home with a majestic gait,not rushing,cool walk,I wanted to show off to my 'subjects' that I had special privileges ,as my dad was the head 'Kangani'(supervisor),we enjoyed an extra tap right in front of our home which made it possible for me to bath for hours at will if I want.Maybe such privileges from the estate management were the causes which added to my 'sometimes snobbish,mean attitude ' towards others...!
I still remember one of those pay days very well,though...My sister had cooked egg curry and spinach with coconut on that day.And there was the usual lime pickles too,of which I never failed to help myself to a generous portion with my afternoon meals,which added a severe sourish taste to my taste buds,much to my mom's scorn though.
I was very well into my lunch when I noticed a shadow behind one of the wooden pillars on my 'five foot'(porch) .I was sitting on the wooden bench (my usual lunch hub)and the shadow turned into a figure.His back was now turned towards me so i quickly got of my bench and walked towards this 'spy' so stealthily that he did not notice me till I was right behind him,and let out a holler that he almost tripped and fell into the drain,almost,luckily god saved him,i guess!
The spy was non other than the Loose,i discovered,and kicked his thigh hardly since i still had my lunch plate in my hands.He grinned sheepishly and rubbed his thigh and asked me if I wanted to play 'thiefantpolice' after my lunch.As he stammered ,he tried to control his drooling,which started to flood his taste buds as the smell of spicy egg curry and pickles entered his nostrils.
I noticed his suffering and in a moment of kindness asked him casually if he would have some rice at my home since the curry was good and if he wanted I could go in get a plate?The Loose obviously didn't expect this show of kindness from me,the tyrant leader,but realized he couldn't let go of this rare moment and shook his head vigorously in consent.
He seated himself on the bench and was waiting for my goodwill plate of the day.When i handed him his plate full of rice and egg curry with the pickle,he devoured it,that's what it was,simple gobbling of good food which had to be eaten with compliment,but he devoured it!It was like,'now i see it,now i don't' kind of haste.
He seemed so ravenous he didn't even wash his hands!I just looked on for him to finish,thinking about one of my mother's wisdom statements, 'Once hunger strikes,all ten codes of conduct will fly out through the door...!'I was grateful to god at that instant that i had never been hungry and wished I would never be hungry in my life for anything.
Once he finished his meal,i told him to stop licking his fingers and wash his hands at the tap.He told me his granny didn't give him any lunch bcoz he failed to bring home firewood after school!I was so angry I dragged him to his house to confront his granny.She was in the kitchen and I called out to her so loudly her neighbour told me to shut up my 'volume'!
'Katthayee patti!' I wanted to ask her the Loose had the right to his lunch after school,isn't it?How can he go to the woods to look for firewood on a school day?And does his parents know that his grandma deprived him his lunch and now is eating all the rice herself?When I saw what she was eating,I got a shock! The rice in her plate was burnt,burnt and brown,and she told me to sit down first before i spat out any more accusations.
She told me that neither the Loose or his siblings wanted to eat this burnt rice,and she asked me whats wrong with burnt rice?Its just that it has been overcooked,and very brittle to touch but does this Loose and her siblings know whats her age is?She had forgotten about the rice in her haste to prepare the curry for the rice,and non of these children helped her with cooking.She told me that she was half blind as I knew,and these people had no kindness for her health.I was already feeling so sheepish for my hasty attitude and asked her if I could be of any help.
Old lady Kaathayee looked at me hard and intense for a moment and told me,'Muthu,never ,ever throw away rice,whether its burnt or leftover,for if anyone does that,they would have to walk a mile for single grain of rice later in their life!
I walked back home and asked my mother if it was true and my mother sat me down in her lap and told me what Kaathayee said was true. I made a promise to myself that I would respect the rice from now on,and no matter how much my mom dished out on my plate ,I would eat it all up,though I got a stomach ache after that.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The tamarind tree
The estate was divided into many sections,quarters for the tappers which were commonly known as 'layams'(lines),the temple area,which stood at the heart of the estate'hub', the Tamil school was beside the temple and the sundry shops were directly opposite the school,though at a discreet distance from it.The school field divided the upper part of the estate from the lowlands and those 'layams'.
The estate workers were from various ethnic groups,the Indians, Chinese and Malays,The Indian population dominated the estates in those days, followed by Chinese and Malays . Though they they were different by racial and religious aspects,the entire community lived in harmony and peace. The rubber tappers were simple people with simple needs and to them racial and religious factors were not the yardstick to measure human values and humanity.Here everyone was known to everyone else,and if Raman's child was sick,Ah Chong's wife made Chinese traditional herbs soup for him and if Ahmad's wife had migraine,Somu's mom made garlic paste for her and sent it to her together with brinjals from her vegetable plot......such was the unique lifestyle we all had during my childhood as an estate dweller.
My house was one of four special houses which stood just beside the sundry shops.These four houses were bigger,two bedrooms,one hall,a kitchen and a five foot(porch?)with wooden fencing and a rectangular bench taking up almost half the width of it.The bench had multiple purpose,it was where i conducted my 'gang' meetings with my friends and played 'thayam' ,'pallangkuli' and 'masak-masak',etc...etc..
At night,it was the platform where my father sat cross legged majestically and narrated tales after tales from the Mahabaratha and Ramayana.I used to sit cross legged with a sarong covering my entire form within its comfort ,both the ends of the sarong securely pulled over my head,displaying just a fraction of my eager face,listening to my father's storytelling. His audience were my mother's very close friends,Chinnathyee and Rukkumani ,both my sisters and sometimes when he was not already drunk and sleepy from the 'toddy',Chinnathayee's husband would also join us.Its was a bench with many silent tales embedded within its wooden planks,im sure! Also its where i practised my first scribbles and later drawings of 'orang lidi'(hihihi)
Beside my house was the estate's badminton court and at the back of my house,my mother had fenced off the huge vacant plot of land and had turned it into a vegetable garden . She had also grown guava,rambutan, mango and jackfruit trees along the edge of the entire plot.And the Tamarind tree stood directly behind our backdoor, only about 500 metres away and my mother told me it was a hundred year old tree and it had magic powers!It was a very huge, tall tree with branches spreading wild and rich with tamarind fruits!The tamarind tree was constantly under attack by the estate kids,who seemed to derive great pleasure in fighting imaginary owls,birds and even demons which resided on top of the tree !And the moment I relax my guard,they would not hesistate to take a shot at the juicy ,sour tamarind fruits,which stimulated ones taste buds whenever one lays his or her eye on them!
Whatever their intention,aim or wish,those who dared to come near my tamarind tree had to 'pass thorugh' me,the possessive owner,who guarded it like a jealous hen guarding her chicks!
Almost all my afternoons were spent around it,under it or near it,with my friends and I,playing 'hide and seek','theif and police' or 'uuulong' and the occasinal 'masak-masak'.
Everyday,after school and lunch,i would go to my tamarind tree and hug it,going around it in circles bcoz i couldnt reach its entire width with my hands.I inhaled its scent of bark and juice,tasted the peel offs and ate its sour young leaves and enjoy to squint my eyes and swallow the surge of saliva which dribbled from my mouth.(I wish i still had my tamarind tree with me!)
My father had put up a swing for me on one of its branches during one school vacation and it became an instant attraction among the young ones and also adults!I made sure i glued myself to my swing for a whole week,so much so that my mother had to feed me my meals while I was on it!
........"aaaahhh...new broom always sweeps clean....let the monkey enjoy it as long as she wants...for by next week,the swing would also be as lonely as the tamarind tree....." It was the old lady Maniamma,my staunch enemy,who made the comment while she walked past the tree.On a normal occasion,I would have retorted a very hurting insult at her but for now I was just happy swinging to and fro,enjoying the gush of the wind on my face,making me feel like the Princess I imagined myself to be...For now this bliss was enough for me.And old lady Maniamma had a right to dish out that comment i guess,as she was the victim of a very'sinister'theft of her ripe guavas which had mysteriously disappeared into thin air just that morning and I was the prime suspect! And i knew old lady Maniamma was only trying to dig my mouth,provoking me to let out valuable info as to the missing guavas...and I knew when to keep my shut tight as a purse,as to protect my own hide, as well as my friends. But i couldnt help myself from giggling secretly as i savoured the great moments of fright and thrill of that morning escapade with my friends at old lady Maniamma's guava tree!
The estate workers were from various ethnic groups,the Indians, Chinese and Malays,The Indian population dominated the estates in those days, followed by Chinese and Malays . Though they they were different by racial and religious aspects,the entire community lived in harmony and peace. The rubber tappers were simple people with simple needs and to them racial and religious factors were not the yardstick to measure human values and humanity.Here everyone was known to everyone else,and if Raman's child was sick,Ah Chong's wife made Chinese traditional herbs soup for him and if Ahmad's wife had migraine,Somu's mom made garlic paste for her and sent it to her together with brinjals from her vegetable plot......such was the unique lifestyle we all had during my childhood as an estate dweller.
My house was one of four special houses which stood just beside the sundry shops.These four houses were bigger,two bedrooms,one hall,a kitchen and a five foot(porch?)with wooden fencing and a rectangular bench taking up almost half the width of it.The bench had multiple purpose,it was where i conducted my 'gang' meetings with my friends and played 'thayam' ,'pallangkuli' and 'masak-masak',etc...etc..
At night,it was the platform where my father sat cross legged majestically and narrated tales after tales from the Mahabaratha and Ramayana.I used to sit cross legged with a sarong covering my entire form within its comfort ,both the ends of the sarong securely pulled over my head,displaying just a fraction of my eager face,listening to my father's storytelling. His audience were my mother's very close friends,Chinnathyee and Rukkumani ,both my sisters and sometimes when he was not already drunk and sleepy from the 'toddy',Chinnathayee's husband would also join us.Its was a bench with many silent tales embedded within its wooden planks,im sure! Also its where i practised my first scribbles and later drawings of 'orang lidi'(hihihi)
Beside my house was the estate's badminton court and at the back of my house,my mother had fenced off the huge vacant plot of land and had turned it into a vegetable garden . She had also grown guava,rambutan, mango and jackfruit trees along the edge of the entire plot.And the Tamarind tree stood directly behind our backdoor, only about 500 metres away and my mother told me it was a hundred year old tree and it had magic powers!It was a very huge, tall tree with branches spreading wild and rich with tamarind fruits!The tamarind tree was constantly under attack by the estate kids,who seemed to derive great pleasure in fighting imaginary owls,birds and even demons which resided on top of the tree !And the moment I relax my guard,they would not hesistate to take a shot at the juicy ,sour tamarind fruits,which stimulated ones taste buds whenever one lays his or her eye on them!
Whatever their intention,aim or wish,those who dared to come near my tamarind tree had to 'pass thorugh' me,the possessive owner,who guarded it like a jealous hen guarding her chicks!
Almost all my afternoons were spent around it,under it or near it,with my friends and I,playing 'hide and seek','theif and police' or 'uuulong' and the occasinal 'masak-masak'.
Everyday,after school and lunch,i would go to my tamarind tree and hug it,going around it in circles bcoz i couldnt reach its entire width with my hands.I inhaled its scent of bark and juice,tasted the peel offs and ate its sour young leaves and enjoy to squint my eyes and swallow the surge of saliva which dribbled from my mouth.(I wish i still had my tamarind tree with me!)
My father had put up a swing for me on one of its branches during one school vacation and it became an instant attraction among the young ones and also adults!I made sure i glued myself to my swing for a whole week,so much so that my mother had to feed me my meals while I was on it!
........"aaaahhh...new broom always sweeps clean....let the monkey enjoy it as long as she wants...for by next week,the swing would also be as lonely as the tamarind tree....." It was the old lady Maniamma,my staunch enemy,who made the comment while she walked past the tree.On a normal occasion,I would have retorted a very hurting insult at her but for now I was just happy swinging to and fro,enjoying the gush of the wind on my face,making me feel like the Princess I imagined myself to be...For now this bliss was enough for me.And old lady Maniamma had a right to dish out that comment i guess,as she was the victim of a very'sinister'theft of her ripe guavas which had mysteriously disappeared into thin air just that morning and I was the prime suspect! And i knew old lady Maniamma was only trying to dig my mouth,provoking me to let out valuable info as to the missing guavas...and I knew when to keep my shut tight as a purse,as to protect my own hide, as well as my friends. But i couldnt help myself from giggling secretly as i savoured the great moments of fright and thrill of that morning escapade with my friends at old lady Maniamma's guava tree!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Mission Impossible!
Well the entire mission was a great disappointment in the end bcoz the as we were peeking at the 'Mem' from behind the hazelnut tree,she somehow sensed our presence and stopped her afternoon stroll,stared directly at the hazelnut tree and called out for Kaattu Muniandy,the guard,who was enjoying his afternoon siesta for sure in his hut,and when he appeared,gesticulated dramatically towards the hazelnut tree! I saw him nodding his head vigourously,and the next thing i knew,he shot like an arrow towards the tree !
I almost fainted in fright but managed to shout hasty command to my gang and we started on a marathon down the hill!The slippery soil,the thorny bushes and even the looming trees seemed to have vanished and I had only one aim that was not to be caught by the guard!As i ran,i looked over my shoulder and to my horror,the Loose was not in the race!(The next day,i learned that the guard had gained on him and caught him and slapped him a hundred slaps across his face and handed him over to his father,who in turn heated the fork and marked his forearm and grounded him within his dwelling for the next few days.We promised to treat him to ais kacang when we next met bcoz obiviously he did not betray our secret!)
We were safely back at the temple and were panting for breath like dogs,heaving and sighing noisily.The temple's priest passed us by and stopped short to hurl insults at us for being a lazy lot .I couldnt trade a lashback as I was still short of breath and I just let him have his say.As he gave us another look of disdain,he must have sensed that we were draped in some sort of guilt,for he decided to take this chance to be more insulting .He warned us not to go near his hibiscus plants,bcoz some theives had been stealing the flower buds and now there was a shortage of flowers for prayers.And he had complaine to the temple committee about it and the thieves would definately be caught very soon...and when it happens he would personally wield his own punishment on thier backs for sure..Casting another look of disdain,he hurried away and we were now all by ourselves, feeling tired and weak after the great run.
I was beginning to feel hungry and it was almost time for my tea.But I wanted to wait for the missing sheep from my flock(the Loose)whose fate was yet unknown to us.As the minutes ticked by,my friends began to doze off awkwardly against the temple wall and my stomach was starting to ramble.I quickly called them to stand up for the circle of vow,and each of us promised not to utter a word regarding the afternoon escapade,as God Kali as our witness,would dig our eyes out if the promise was broken.With that we parted company and I strolled back home deeply in thought.The 'Mem' seemed to resemble the heroine of an English serial i had been following on the estate television,and i really wanted to get a closer look at her whiteness.Even from far,she looked like a white goddess with blond hair and a preety dress.I heaved a sigh of relief though when i entered my home and the smell of onion bajjis and tea made me forget for the time being all my days misfortunes and the Loose!
I almost fainted in fright but managed to shout hasty command to my gang and we started on a marathon down the hill!The slippery soil,the thorny bushes and even the looming trees seemed to have vanished and I had only one aim that was not to be caught by the guard!As i ran,i looked over my shoulder and to my horror,the Loose was not in the race!(The next day,i learned that the guard had gained on him and caught him and slapped him a hundred slaps across his face and handed him over to his father,who in turn heated the fork and marked his forearm and grounded him within his dwelling for the next few days.We promised to treat him to ais kacang when we next met bcoz obiviously he did not betray our secret!)
We were safely back at the temple and were panting for breath like dogs,heaving and sighing noisily.The temple's priest passed us by and stopped short to hurl insults at us for being a lazy lot .I couldnt trade a lashback as I was still short of breath and I just let him have his say.As he gave us another look of disdain,he must have sensed that we were draped in some sort of guilt,for he decided to take this chance to be more insulting .He warned us not to go near his hibiscus plants,bcoz some theives had been stealing the flower buds and now there was a shortage of flowers for prayers.And he had complaine to the temple committee about it and the thieves would definately be caught very soon...and when it happens he would personally wield his own punishment on thier backs for sure..Casting another look of disdain,he hurried away and we were now all by ourselves, feeling tired and weak after the great run.
I was beginning to feel hungry and it was almost time for my tea.But I wanted to wait for the missing sheep from my flock(the Loose)whose fate was yet unknown to us.As the minutes ticked by,my friends began to doze off awkwardly against the temple wall and my stomach was starting to ramble.I quickly called them to stand up for the circle of vow,and each of us promised not to utter a word regarding the afternoon escapade,as God Kali as our witness,would dig our eyes out if the promise was broken.With that we parted company and I strolled back home deeply in thought.The 'Mem' seemed to resemble the heroine of an English serial i had been following on the estate television,and i really wanted to get a closer look at her whiteness.Even from far,she looked like a white goddess with blond hair and a preety dress.I heaved a sigh of relief though when i entered my home and the smell of onion bajjis and tea made me forget for the time being all my days misfortunes and the Loose!
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